I am a disgusting melting hippo and it’s time for that to end. Yesterday I embarked upon a quest, that much like Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins, that will test me mentally, physically, and emotionally. The quest (drumroll please) is be able to run a mile.
If you have no run in a long time, like myself, you are completely unaware of how hard this is. Running stinks and the real feel temperature constantly being 105 degrees Fahrenheit in Memphis, Tennessee, USA, earth does not help. But did Frodo and Sam have a journal to Mount Doom? Fool of a Took! Hell no! Instead of banning abortions they should have banned running and the sun which is overrated.
My quest began yesterday when I tongue kissed my dog and stepped onto my driveway to run one mile. Well I made it 0.22 miles before I couldn’t run anymore. Very embarrassing as I was trying to impress all the stay at home moms in my neighborhood (ladies trust the process I will get there). Instead of quitting I walked the rest of the way with a few light jogs but I was a broken man.
This morning I decided to try running one mile again. Unsurprisingly it was another huge failure much like Phil Fulmer being an athletic director. I will humbly admit that there was a little success, I ran 0.55 miles before my body told me to stop and walk the rest of the way home.
So this is where we are at. Im just a simple doughy pale man trying to run a mile…. Defiantly not trying to get the attention of Mrs. McGwire the lives on the corner. Tomorrow we try again but i can tell we are at The Black Gates of Mordor and there is hope. God Bless have a good day.
Oasis is the best:
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