I was asked by a coworker today, via Microsoft Team chat, to attend the 6:45 PM showing of Ford vs Ferrari at a movie theatre that is located 25 minutes from my house. There is literally no reason to leave my house after 6:00 PM on a weekday unless it’s for bowling or to get greased up with a nice lady. I will admit I want to see this movie a lot, but this is not about the movie it’s about the person that asked me.
Let me make you aware of the few things that this person has invited me too over the past year. On October 31, 2019 at 12:45 PM, Halloween of all days, this person asked if I would like to attend church with them that Sunday and also take me out for lunch. Obviously, this person does not realize that Halloween is not a sober holiday or a one-day event for my friends and I.
Also, if we go to church Sunday at 11:00AM then to lunch after I will not make it back home until halftime of the NFL games. I worship at the Church of Goodell. I think this person goes to a church like the one in Borat where they talk in tongues and whatnot.
This person has made it very evident that their life’s mission in to hangout with me, of all people. Little do they know I have also made it my life’s mission is to never see or hangout with this person outside work.
Another time this person invited me to his parent’s house, yes his parents’ house, to have a Halo party with him and his friends. I can’t imagine that these people would cuss, drink, or even have the faintest idea of how to have a good time. You know how many times my friends have asked me to come to a Halo party? Zero! Because they are not nerds.
Another time this person invited my lady and I to go to the Tennessee Safari Park outside of Jackson, TN with him and his wife. Yes, this person has a wife and is younger than me. I still have my doubts about some facets of their relationship, but I will save that for another time. But this park is 1 hour and 20 minutes away so that 2 hours and 40-minute round trip plus a few hours at the park. There is no circumstance which this event would ever happen.
I’m honestly disappointed in myself that this person continues to ask me to do things. I feel I have made it incredible apparent that there is no situation that would cause me to ever want to hang out with them.
Hey person I have heard you spit out every joke and situation that the TV show The Office has ever made. Yeah yeah everyone thinks you are so cool that you have watched the series 7 times, so cool.
Welp im going to get back to work now, everyone have a nice day.
Joey Puckflap Thoughts 