The Memphis grizzlies are named after a grizzly bear, which is the most obvious thing I think I’ve ever written. However, the term grizzly bear is actually the commonly accepted phrase for the North American brown bear. The nomenclature of the word grizzly actually comes from Lewis and Clark, two of the early explorers of our country.
According to Wikipedia that average size of an adult male grizzly bear is 400-790 pounds. Marc Gasol is listed on basketball reference at 255 pounds. So doing some quick math a grizzly bear is roughly 2 to 2.5 times larger than a man called Big Spain. Now that we have established possibly nothing I would like to speak on different bears and possibly change the name of the grizzlies to a different, fiercer bear. So bear with me……
First up is the Asian black bear:
Sure they sound cute because they are distant cousins of the panda and even have white v-shaped fur on their breast plate. Let me tell you something they are not, a group of them actually attacked and killed eight people in India in 2013. I would stay this bear might be compared to Zach Randolph because it looks cute and gentle but if you mess with it it will maul your face off. Basically with zbo did to Blake griffin every time they played.
Next bear candidate is the Polar bear:
Everyone loves the polar bears because the only times you seem them it’s in a coke commercial or a David Attenborough narrated documentary. They are a beautiful species, get in shape after hibernation is over, and are from a foreign distant land. Their diets mostly consist of mostly seafood and plants when they can find them. We will just go with Marc Gasol because he come from a faraway land (I know the other bear is from Asia, I don’t care). He also has a strict diet and gets in good shape from time to time.
Final bear is the Kodiak bear:
These are the biggest, scariest, and most intimidating bears in the world. They can exceed a weight of 1500 lbs. and when standing on their hind legs can reach an average height of 10 feet. So basically taco fall with heals. They are so cool, they live on island in the Kodiak Archipelago in Alaska, so tight. So the only grizzlies’ player ever born in Alaska was of all people Mario Chalmers. I don’t like the Chalmers-Kodiak comparison because we need someone intimidating, huge, and scary. So let’s go with Hamed Haddadi. He is a freak of nature (not athletically), he may be aggressive towards people sometimes, and is rarely seen in the wild if at all unless you pay $20,000 to go see him in a distant land.
I purpose that the grizzlies should be renamed the Memphis Kodiak bears because this is really the King of the Bears. The largest of all bears and sometimes the most aggressive the Kodiak bear, much like the Memphis Grizzlies, does not often get the respect it deserves.
Honorable mention:
Pizzly Bear (grizzly polar bear hybrid) – Brian Cardinal because he just seems like a YMCA basketball player/ cube money hybrid
American Black Bear- Tony because aggression
Panda- Jordan Adams because he was pudgy, could not move, and seemed out of shape
Joey Puckflap Thoughts 